The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dear god my vagina.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
