im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
