If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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