All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize