Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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