That's when you crack a 10am beer
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
