Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
