let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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