i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
