Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
