So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
