According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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