you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
