I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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