Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
