So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
