'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
