we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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