yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
