went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
