Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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