felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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