so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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