I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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