i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
