last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
