we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Help. Why am I so naked?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
