dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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