I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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