I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
