yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
