Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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