I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
