Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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