I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
