I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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