Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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