spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
