come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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