And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
