she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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