I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
