Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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