But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
