dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
