i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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