What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
