too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
