I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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