Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
