I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
