guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
