Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
