babies were throwing up all over the place
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
