Hey man sorry I got all grabby
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We talked him into tasing himself.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
