That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
