I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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