I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
