i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
