I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize