Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
