she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
