she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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