Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
