apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I understand Curling. That high.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
