tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
