I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
